Fuckin' Nightmares

July 18, 2023

Fuckin' nightmares

Nightmares all last night. ADHD assessment rucked stuff up, apparently.

• Dreamt I was getting groceries (at the old Jewel/Dominics) and my dad ambushed me in the parking lot. A big grin on his face (that big forced one), expecting me to be happy to see him--even though inside the dream itself them coming out here had already happened. But apparently because I was alone, he thought he'd be better received. Like it was my mates' influence that pulled me away. *snort* I full-on panicked. Considered just running, but realized my car would be a better escape. Fought struggling to open the car door and scramble in, fingers numb and aching in the grey cold
• Dreamt I was in college again, in the aftermath. It might've been a nightmare again in the dream, that dad had showed up, since I did fully wake between, but it also might've been that it happened. Dreams, idk
• Waking up for class, feeling shitty and shaky. Trying to find my toothbrush. Going into the dorm's communal bathroom to get ready. Deciding whether to go to class/work that day. Ran into a friend, an amalgam of Dan of the hat from Art Institute and Zac Oyama, and talked about whether we were going to classes that day
• Later (I think) went back to dorms with a new acquaintance/friend that might've been my roommate. Or he might've seen me dissociating and just wanted to help.
• Got ready for bed, shaky and bad, put my phone/cracked iPod on a desk playing music. Dunno if it was into headphones or not
• Spent the night in his bed, clinging to him, shaking, and crying. Drifting between that body and my hedgehog self doing the same clinging to Omega. So that feel. Felt good to feel myself, didn't want to keep coming back to human self. Then Jack off Jill's Strawberry Gashes started playing from my music, and I started freaking out harder because I didn't think I could handle listening to the end of the song.