Still Healing

July 18, 2021

Bad intrusive thought day. Most of my intrusive thoughts are that I'm worthless or useless. Which ordinarily isn't a concept I even believe in, but abuse is a hell of a drug, so any time I mess up, even slightly, or don't do things very efficiently, or even inconvenience someone...I tend to land in that pit of berating myself. I try not to do it, but I also know better than to try and completely silence or crush it. I try to let it pass by, and hope that eventually, with enough healing and time, it'll be a thing of the past. I try not to engage with it, when it's bad like today's I don't usually have the energy to properly challenge it, and try to let it flow past like water...but it still hurts.

Reminding myself that EVEN IF something like Vermin Supreme or suddenly came to power, provided universal housing, food, healthcare, and protected water in addition to giving everyone a pony (with a cart, so we all gots transportation), and all the oil and other bullshit ecological disaster companies spontaneously blew up, averting climate collapse and that capitalism was abolished to prevent such a thing from ever happening again, and all this stolen land was returned to its rightful indigenous caretakers, and EVEN IF every trans and Otherkin person were suddenly just magically their true selves, and EVEN IF Tails and I suddenly had stable portals to Home, and EVEN IF this all was just in place and done tomorrow...I'd still need to let myself heal.

^_^ Though that'd be a pretty ideal situation to do it under.