Jobs

September 21, 2022

I had a thought, some things to write down, but they eroded in the sand of my mind.

I don't know what I want to do, how I want to progress. I need to change jobs, this place is falling apart and won't last much longer...and isn't great to begin with, despite my relative comfort in it. My Penn Foster...? A waste? Idk. Another job? It would probably be a good (the only) idea, but I'm scared. I'm drowning enough, even with where we're at here. But a busier hospital could be less painful? I don't know.

I don't know what I want to do beyond this. I think I want to try at least one more hospital, to see if I can stay a vet tech. But beyond that? Or if it doesn't work out?

I miss horses. Dunno if I want to pursue being a farrier. I like the idea of it, but it also seems painful. And am I too old? Seems wild that I would be, usually I think I'm too old to become a vet, stuff like that. But it feels like super physical jobs have expiration dates.

Are you lazy, or simply depressed?

I think I'm pretty depressed again right now. I was a lot better after we got Gray. He kept bouncing me out of ruminating with his sweetness and energy. But like...don't I need to process this shit? Isn't that part of healing too? I don't know how much to process and just live in it, and how much to put it aside because it's just hurting me. I guess it can't be all or nothing, it's gotta be a balance.

Still don't know how, tho'.