Breakdowns and No-Contact

September 20, 2022

P shitty to have had a minor breakdown today because of name change shenanigans. P shitty to realize that I'm still terrified of letting my family know I've changed my name. Feels like I'm still just in the same place where I think I'm okay, only because I'm keeping the big important things from them--even though I've gone no-contact with them...and am also doing everything I can to keep it that way. Blocked their phone numbers and emails, changed my email, not in contact with any other family members because hey, I wasn't already out to them anyway and I don't trust them not to narc on me. The time they sent me mail having my mates take care of it for me...

I know they would tell me I'm overreacting. I know that I never, ever want to talk to or see them again. I truly don't believe they can or would do anything but hurt and reject me. I would not be able to share the most important parts of my life with them, because they would be too hurt and scared and lash out.