2024/08/27

2:27p

I want to stop wanting to kill myself
Mostly I don't think that's what I actually want. Mostly I want to just stop hurting, or it's self harm to alleviate pressure and keep going. But I don't like the pattern
I'd like to have the option to just stop and step back in those moments. I don't feel I do. Which again, is part of why I can't disrupt the pattern
I'm so tired
And I just wanna go Home. Mobius home. Myself home. I'm so fuckin' sick and tired of feeling this way in this body
I'm so fuckin upset it's never gonna be better
I do think now that maybe I can be okay. Maybe I can be better than okay
But my body is never gonna be better than okay. I can't do anything to fix it, and it guts me that I'm just fuckin stuck.
Things are so damn good. And I'm gonna twist on this blade forever and never get over it.
I'm so damn tired.
I'm hungree. I wish I'd arranged my day better so I could get lunch
I really should start packing a lunch...
-_- Maybe I can eat after Little Wranglers
Like. I know one of the reasons I'm crashing is because I need food
But all these things are still true, even though their pain is amplified at the moment.
I really wish I could just be myself
Even being my hedgehog self here would be rad.

I don't know that I would've got here with my real self and powers, that's one of the draws to explore in HRT-verse
I feel like that's kinda a failure, me not playing the same rules? For my part of the HRT game? That I'm not playing in Hyper City or whatever? That I want it to be Here+?
But I guess I can include Hyper City. Just need to read up on the lore