Forums and Peopling

Thursday, August 8, 2024 - 2:27 PM

Hahahaaaaa...I don't know how to square this circle...

Joined the Discord for the Therian HRT art community last week, and been trying to join in. Not easy, I'm horrifically anxious, but I'm trying. One of the people I'd like to know, and the boyfriend of someone I consider a friend is doing a Black Arms HRT. Black Arms from Shadow the Hedgehog.

The genocidal aliens.

He was writing about how he has some redemption arc stuff planned, and I...mentioned how that was good, because I wondered how he was going to thread the needle what with the genocide and all.

Then I tried to hop into a voice chat where some people were streaming a game. He was there, too, and I was excited to hear him. But he dropped out while some streaming logistics were happening. No big deal, shit like that happens all the time.

Then an admin pulls me aside, tells me people have been messaging me and I really upset him, and I need to change what I said.

I go, and I do, and I apologize.

And they're still...and this is where things get complicated. Cuz I Know and Knew that the Black Arms is Important to him. They are part of who and what he is, part of his heart, soul, and identity. I know it. I feel it. They are him, and part of him, and he is part of them. They are his home.

The same way Mobius is mine. And they did attempt a genocide. And I don't have any explicit exomemories from that time...but I feel it as happened. I feel the dust and smoke and debris and blood. I feel the fire and the sirens and the screams. I feel the shouts and the shots and the bullets and the blasts. GUN's no better than them. It was our monsters against their monsters, and who cares which are worse monsters when our people are getting destroyed in the process.

I know why and how my words hurt him, I know it's a problem.

I don't know how to explain myself without making excuses. I'm scared we won't be able to be friends whether I try to explain or let it lie.

But I also felt needlessly chastised by the other people in the thread. "You shouldn't say the 'g word'", "At least you changed it."

I get it. I get that I hurt him, and that it's wrong. I get that most people won't know, or will try and diminish it. That's not where I came from. I came from feeling this shit just as deeply. And it sucks, and I don't know how to make it better. Cuz I really like him, he's a cool guy. Just sucks.