Shadowing, ARGH

Wednesday, December 13, 2023 - 11:55 PM

AHHHH, shadowing Vickey at Garrod's today!
She ended up having me ride in the 10am lesson
Was not mentally prepared, but tried to vibe with it
They put me on an Arabian! Yay!
Ohmigods I love him
But holy hell he's super bumpy
Chaos, I made a fool of myself all hour
My seat was all over the place, I apparently have a bad habit of putting my weight into my toes and need to push my legs forward and get it into my heels, and I use my hands wrong! (I also didn't use my feet to steer the way I usually do, got too in my head, horse was way narrow, and then focusing on speed in the games part of the lesson)
Chaos, I hope Vickey isn't having second thoughts about hiring me
But whatever, got through it
Sat on the sidelines and watched the 11am English, tried to focus so I could apply to my own teaching
Then home for lunch
I'm still having second thoughts/concerned whether this is a good move: Don't want to piss off Jen and Chaparral, feeling like I'm being disloyal, and not sure whether I'm good enough/can handle it
Fuck, I want to be good at this
But trading one Saturday for a different Saturday doesn't seem like a good deal to me, especially in light of the "Burning goodwill at my other job," thing
But fuuuck, won't I grow as a teacher more here?
Either that or it'll be horrifically abusive...AGAIN
Oh, abusive horse people? NEVER met THOSE before
I'm scared
In other news, no lessons in the books tomorrow, only feeding, soooo...
Guess I'll try and make art tomorrow