New Job?...I Can't Do This

Friday, November 17, 2023 - 9:26 PM

Okay, yeah, let's jot down notes about yesterday rq.

  • Yesterday was my first day at RAS
  • Panicking beforehand because when I checked the schedule last Wednesday it had Monday and Tuesday crossed out for me, but when I checked THIS Wednesday, WHOOPS, APPARENTLY I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE AFTER ALL, WHEN'D THAT GET CHANGED?
  • But whatever, they said it was okay when I emailed about it
  • Stressed waiting to leave all day, when time comes I realize there's a crotch rip in my only clean jeans
  • RIIIIP. I fix it, but now I'm very close to late
  • Find the school, find the parking, go to the office, they point me to the entrance
  • So far, so good
  • Get quickly spieled, they send me over to the 5th grade class, where all the Educators keep washing out
  • Oh no, 5th grade. 5th grade was the WORST.
  • Remember all that training about ratios? FORGET IT. Remember about "Never be alone with students"? FORGET IT, one teacher with 18 kids, and usually there's 31.
  • The kids were cool, but rowdy as hell, one boy flat out leapt on another and started whaling on him while they were playing soccer. Yeah, broke that up. Again, good kids, just rowdy as hell. Started raining, so we had to bring them back inside the classroom. The depressing, stuffy, windowless dirge of a classroom
  • It was crowded as hell with 18 kids, I can't IMAGINE 31!
  • LOUD. SO LOUD. Static started building in my head, and I couldn't parse words. Like, my audio processing is always bad, but hell. Focus in that!? Are you kidding!?
  • My trainer started a game of Bingo. I went over to the side of the room where the kids that weren't playing, the rowdy ones, were.
  • One of the boys had a bottle of cologne in his backpack. Fuck.
  • They, predictably, started spraying themselves with it. Not in a way I could stop, soooooo...yeah. Whee, horrific migraine triggers.
  • So yeah, it was...rough. Even before that I was coming to realize I can't do this. I'm too neurodivergent for this. I like the kids, but...I can't do this.

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