They Stalked Me

June 19, 2023

Welllllp.

So, my abusive parents, the ones I fled from 2 years ago, the ones I still have nightmares about living with showed up at our door today.

Thank chaos my partner answered. Thank chaos I didn't hear their voices, that they didn't see me, that they left.

But that validation of my paranoia is nooooot gonna do good things for my brain.

Like, if they came the literal 2,000 miles once, they could feasibly do it again. And I'd expect them to stick around for a few days and maybe try again. So I'm gonna be pretty fucking anxious.

And also: Fuck them. Fuck them so hard. Fuck them so bad. Fuck them.

But before The Event, I'd been having a really chill, good day with one of my mates. We'd originally planned to go to the beach today, but the forecast said it was gonna be in the 60s out there, so we took a rain check and just decided to go to our apartment building's pool, instead.

I'd been wanting to start recording vlogs, and recorded a couple of talking to the camera shots, but was a bit stymied when I did some things I'd have wanted b-roll for, like chores, but also wanted to use my phone during. Like, if I'm doing dishes, you bet your ass I'm listening to a video or podcast or audiobook on my phone--not something the phone will let me do if it's also recording video.

So I decided I'd finally bite the bullet and get a camera again--I'm a big fan of using what you've got if it works, but if it's not actually working...? Besides, I cracked my phone's screen over the selfie camera 2 weeks ago, so it's use in vlogging is a bit mixed now. Like yeah, it forces me to use the much better quality camera, but at the cost of constantly wondering what even is in frame.

Some research time, and my mate helpfully reminding me that buying used is a thing that exists and is good, and I think I'll be able to go nab a nice camera on the cheap tomorrow.

Bonus: It's a bit of a hike out to where the seller happens to be, and getting to leave the house and get away from our usual stomping grounds will help be really nice for my anxious brain. Because best defense: No be there.

I do not have it in me to confront my parents, and everything they'd demand as what they are owed.

-_- It continues. Like, it should be over now? We hope? At least for the time being? But yeah...I'm feeling pretty watched at the moment.

Ended up not going out for the camera--was having trouble hearing back from the Facebook Marketplace sellers, and then I finally remembered ebay exists. So all was not lost, my foray onto the Marketplace meant I knew about what to look for, and which models were suitable for my preferred price range, so I could just...plug that into ebay and choose a promising listing. Easy. So yeah, that should arrive late this week.

Then my mate and I (not the mate I was spending time with yesterday, my other mate) went out to do some errands. After my parents landed on our doorstep yesterday, I was feeling pretty scared of going out of the apartment--but I also wanted to get groceries, and hey, it was unlikely that they'd stalk any of the actual destinations we'd be going to. Just the apartment complex and parking lot. Hence my mate coming with me.

It turned out that was a ton of fun. We loved just spending time with each other out and about, where neither of us was hyperfocusing on anything else. So yeah, we're planning on making this a regular thing! It hadn't been possible before a couple weeks ago, when my work schedule changed, so it's nice to have the reminder that we can change how we go about things and do more together.

Errands done, we went home, and my anxiety rose again, but fortunately, they weren't lurking around.

But they had emailed me. Twice. To an old alt account I still had connected to my phone, and my main email.

I'm not going to go into it.

But I was pretty roughed up.

They did say they would be leaving tomorrow. They said they won't try to contact me again. I don't believe that. But I do believe that it'll be another year or so before they try again.

They don't know my new name. They don't know where I work. They apparently went around to places they thought I'd be working yesterday. Which is slightly hilarious, because there's no chance they knew where to go or who to ask.

It sucks. We'll be okay. But it sucks.