Boundaries

May 25, 2023

I am not hurting my parents by having left.

Yes, they may hurt as a result of my leaving
HOWEVER, I am not actively harming them in having left
Remember when I used to joke about casually asking my friends to kill them for me? This is NOT THAT. I am not harming them
I am asserting a boundary
Because they made it very clear that I was not safe with them
That they would not respect my boundaries themselves
That at 23 they still considered spanking me an acceptable response to me back-talking them
Because they WOULD NOT STOP HURTING ME on their own
And because I was unable to assert my safety in any other way
They may hurt that I left
But I am not hurting them

I can, and should, prioritize the things I love.

I should write and draw It Doesn't Matter before doing chores, or writing stories for profit
I can use chores or writing as active breaks from one another, AND I need to take passive breaks and rest
If I keep the energy for the things I love, I can generate new energy for other things too
I do not need to, and in fact should not, for my health, do the unpleasant things first (or only)
It is okay if I don't get to everything

I'm 15. Not asserting my boundaries will not make me a better adult

In many ways, I was "more adult" at Actually 15 because I WOULD assert my boundaries
So I should Act My Age (of 15)

It's okay if I don't Get Into All Of It.

You don't need to know. And that's fine
For awhile, it was healing for me to stop hiding the things and Get Into It.
But that's not always the case (anymore, if it ever was). Sometimes You Don't Need To Know, And That's Fine