Oh No, Dream Horse

April 18, 2023

Pffff...so I did The Math, and just...

There's really no way to escape that I'd still really need to be able to put aside $1,000 a month to be able to cover board, farriers, vet bills, and emergencies.

And chaos, if I had that kind of monetary flexibility...well, my anxiety would be much less of an issue, if nothing else.

So I'm kinda In Mourning, because while I got really excited about this particular horse, this particular prospect, it wouldn't have broken my heart to see him go to another home, especially not even having met him yet.

But I don't see how I even can start being able to put aside that kind of money. Like, oh, if I get another part time job for like 10 hours a week...but that's not really sustainable, is it? And maintaining that on top of the work that goes into taking care of a horse...yeah, that doesn't math either.

So I'm pretty broken hearted over the whole situation, since...I don't see it changing.

I'm probably gonna be pouring myself into some monetization schemes to cope. I have stories I've been meaning to write and hopefully publish, have had thoughts on selling merch, and with This my priorities have shifted a bit from putting my traumatized self back together to striving for The Thing.

I'm sure I'll even talk myself into opening commissions again at some point, even though every time I've done so I've been utterly unable to approach it in a healthy way and burnt myself out.

So yeah. Capitalism sucks, bay-bee. Even when you're scraping by okay.

Oh No, Dream Horse - Sonic