Dun Feel Good

Thursday, September 26, 2024 - 8:41 PM

I dun feel good.

I haven't been feelin' good, and I don't know what's wrong with me.

I'm having trouble handling my depression lately. I don't know how to approach it when there isn't some Big Obvious Life Thing That Needs To Change. Job killing you? Find something better. Abusive family? Move. Not that any of that was easy, and didn't take years and years of work to escape. Not that I didn't plunge the bowels of desperation.

But now...? Things are better. So, so much better. My mates are lovely, my work is good, fulfilling, AND I'M GOOD AT IT, and I've done a lot of work to heal.

...and I'm still getting swamped with despair, and harassed by pestilent swarm of chanting self hate.

I don't know how to fix myself. I don't know what's bothering me, what's really bringing this all up to the surface. Hell, it's not even really at the surface, it's just a general malaise I can't overcome. And I'm not doing well.

I want to be okay. I want to feel better. I want to stop hurting. I don't know where to start.