Writing It Doesn't Matter

Thursday, April 4, 2024 - 9:28 PM

Rrrrrffff...

I'm trying to start writing It Doesn't Matter again, finally. I really, really miss feeling connected with my real self, and writing and working on It Doesn't Matter is one of the ways I use to immerse myself in it. Writing and drawing help me, to various extents, put aside my human life and body for awhile and just be myself.

So I read back through the last zone I finished and the current zone I'm working on and started scratching at the current zone. It's hard to not get into my own way.

It Doesn't Matter is a way of telling/chronicling/recording my parallel life. But writing it is walking a razor sometimes. Because some parts are like telling my memories. Some are like summarizing things that happened. Some are things I'm experiencing as I write. And some are just writing.

So it trips me up. I start to ask myself if I'm lying, or being disingenuous with how I'm approaching it. I tell myself, "This is my life," and then feel myself making choices as a writer.

It sucks and it's hard.

The part that I'm at in my writing is one I'm not really sure of how it went. I know or experienced stuff that happens later. But my understanding of this particular part is, "Eggman attack, we won." But even though that's fine for my own personal recollection, it doesn't work for the storytelling I'm doing. When I close my eyes and focus, I just get the impression of heat, and smoke, sweat, stress, and fire. The hard clinch in my guts as I dig in, and push through, and figure out this seemingly impossible situation, and refuse to give up. That's the important part for me to take away.

But I'm writing it into the story, and this is one of the first Eggman attacks with us back in our real forms, and we were learning our powers, and dealing with all this garbage, and it's An Important Part of the Story. -_- But I really have no idea how it happened. So now I gotta make this shit up! Which again, feels so fuckin' weird.

So, spoilers going forward, I guess, for It Doesn't Matter, my big, stupid Sonic animation project and also my telling of my parallel life.

The Eggman attack I'm on is, again, one of his early ones--all of our powers have only recently come back, myself, Tails, and Knuckles have only recently transformed back into our real selves. So it's a very, very low rent version of an Eggman plan. It's literally a scaled up version of the old bratty kid burning ants with a magnifying glass. ^_^;; James Bond Die Another Day did it with Project Icarus. ^_^;; Again, I'm going off vibes here, I don't know if this is literally actually what happened. But it's the aesthetic/how it all feels.